Queen of the Neighborhood

As the 4th draws near, I have to comment on the enormous celebration that my cluster of neighbors is putting on tomorrow. I should preface this with a little information about the queen of the neighborhood who lives across the pipestem from me. (I live on a pipestem with about 9 houses).

When we moved in a year ago, she was one of the first to drop off a plate of baked goods to welcome us to the neighborhood. I thought that she was really nice until I realized that she worked for one of those home-sales food companies, and I always sort of wondered if she was merely trying to gain a customer. The Queen is in charge (in name or behind the scenes) of many of the neighborhood social gatherings (such as Bunco, Friday fun nights in the summer, the New Year's Eve bash, and the Labor Day picnic --- yes, this is a very social neighborhood). Everyone defers to the queen. She is always consulted by those who hope to plan neighborhood events.

Shortly after we moved in, I started to wonder about her. She seemed to favor some with her friendship while she ignored others. Often, she wouldn't even acknowledge me when I was out in the front yard with my kids. I fretted that our grass was too long, that maybe my hedges weren't quite right, or if I had done SOMETHING to upset her. I really wanted my new neighbors to like us so I started to have a complex about the Queen's interactions with me. I knew that she was at the hub of all neighborhood activity, and I had heard that when she started bad-mouthing people they were usually black-listed. Apparently, she really disliked the people who had previously owned our house, and I wanted to lift her curse.

As these things usually go, a little bit started to seep out here and there about the Queen. No one wanted to challenge her or openly bad mouth her, but before long it was clear that some people were not big fans. She is definitely the kind of woman that most of the husbands find annoying. It turns out that the Queen has had run-ins with the principal at the local elementary school too (she was PTA president, of course) and even moved her kids to another school (at which she is now PTA president). I finally got my wits about me and realized that I didn't need the Queen's approval. Soon I had made some like-minded friends in the neighborhood and remembered that the Stepford wives routine was not for me.

So here it is, the weekend of the 4th. I found out months ago that our pipestem and other assorted people from up the street always host a little kiddie parade and block party type cook-out, followed by the at-home variety of fireworks. This sounded good to me. I genuinely like most of the neighbors and thought it would be nice to be at home instead of traveling into D.C. to see the fireworks. But the plans for this party have moved into the completely outrageous realm.

Two days ago, the Queen knocked on my door. I had heard through the grapevine that she wanted to use my driveway for the dessert portion of the cookout. I was anticipating that she was going to ask me about this. Instead, she told me that I was responsible for the craft table. Huh? I had not heard about this aspect of the celebration. "Oh, you know -- just some crafts for the little kids to keep them busy," she said. I had heard that she had tasked another neighbor with arranging games for the kids to play (secretly, I had breathed a sigh of relief that it was not me). So here I was getting a worse assignment! I sort of thought that between the parade, the cook-out, and the fireworks, our kids would be pretty entertained. But now we have games and crafts. In addition, there will be a moon bounce. Can you say over-stimulation?

As the Queen and I talked about crafts (I have boys so I needed a primer -- boys are really not that interested in crafts), my next door neighbor walked up to discuss with the Queen the assignment she had been given -- tie-dying t-shirts with the kids. Okey dokey, I thought, these people are insane. The Queen then commented that she didn't want things to get too complicated. Okay. Sure. We were already there.

So, here is the itinerary for tomorrow: baseball game in the morning, parade in the afternoon, games for the kids and adults, tie-dying t-shirts, my freaking CRAFT table, a moon bounce, COOKING-OUT (wasn't that the point?), a variety show (newly added just today!), and finally fireworks. Nothing like a little low-key neighborhood cook-out!

Maybe next year we will risk getting on the Queen's bad side and go to D.C.

The Chicken that Nearly Blew My Face Off

Last night, I decided it would be a good idea to fire up the grill to cook a whole chicken. It was a calm, pleasant, even coolish night, and I thought that sitting on the deck would be a great way to spend an early summer evening.

I am a good cook but I have never turned on the gas grill before, and I have never really cooked anything other than a few burgers on the grill. The grilling responsibilities have long since been abdicated to my husband.

Things started off okay. I opened my Paula Deen cookbook, found the recipe for "Beer in the Rear" chicken, and then rinsed, dried, and seasoned the big 'ole bird. In my brain I was thinking "how hard can it be?" My husband grills a lot...

Well, apparently, it is beyond my capabilities.

I turned the knobs, I hit the ignitor, nothing happened. Called the husband. Turned a few more handles, adjusted some settings, nothing happened. Called the husband. Pulled out my large candle lighter thingy, stuck it in the side of the grill and........

KABLAM

There were bits of hair falling out, a lovely singed smell about me, and a scary new sense of my own mortality. I was so close to really burning my face that I had to sit in stunned silence for several moments while the fire roared in the grill.

Things didn't get any better from there. I turned the flames down, put the chicken on the grill, lowered the lid, and went inside to clean up my hair and to check out the damage. Next thing I know, there was billowing smoke coming from the grill. The flames were so huge that I could barely get the lid open (finally dawned on me to get the oven mitts -- duh). I was hesitant to turn the grill completely off because I did NOT want to have to restart the fire and at that point I actually thought I would need to keep cooking the chicken. Ultimately, I turned off the grill because I was about to burn down the house and deck. Even after I turned it off, the flames did not subside for 10 or 15 minutes. Nothing like a little burning chicken fat to really get a fire going.

The chicken looked like a blackened marshmallow. Torched skin and a raw interior. Scrumptious.

I called husband. He picked up dinner.

I will try again to conquer the grill.

The Heart of a Teenage Boy

I think that I am really a teenage boy at heart. What else would explain my absolute fascination with my son's SpongeBob video game or why I can't focus on anything else if I get caught up playing the Sims? I have to just cut myself off from this depraved need to "win" the game!! If the responsible parents in my neighborhood knew that my six year old and I had to learn to "share" the Nintendo game controller, I would be so embarassed. Maybe there is a reason I have three boys. I now know more than I ever thought I would about dinosaurs, HotWheels cars, and poop jokes.

The Kindergarten Rat Race

Why am I the only parent in America who is looking forward to my child finishing school so that we can laze around, sleep in, and live an unscheduled life? Other parents I know are running around trying to sign up their kids for every activity in the great wide world so that their children will be occupied every day this summer. For my kids, I have a two-week day camp planned, a week at the beach later in the summer, and lots of time goofing off on the agenda. I just can't get into this hyper-scheduling mindset. It is almost like people are afraid to spend time with their kids or at home. Or maybe they just think that it will help their kids to get ahead if they are exposed to every possible thing early in life. But come on, my oldest is in KINDERGARTEN. I was still eating paste in Kindergarten and my life was one big haze of playing, eating, sleeping. There were not millions of activities on the calendar at all times. It seems that 99% of the parents I know have ADD because they must fill their kids lives with a never-ending string of enrichment! Didn't someone important once say that kids learn best through play?

Laziness

We are just back from the beach. We had a great time in the Outerbanks (N.C.). The kids are all rosy cheeked and healthy looking (in a responsible sunscreen parent sort of way). Only major problem is that I can't get back into the swing of things here. The house is a wreck, laundry needs to be folded, bathrooms are getting grimy, kids are at loose ends because toys are scattered and pieces are not together, and my brain feels frozen to do anything about it. I am in a rut.

We had a birthday party for my middle child who turned 4 the week before we left for the beach. Because my attention shifted to the beach preparation right after the party, we still have silly string on the deck, birthday presents in the living room, empty boxes and gift bags sitting around, and all sorts of other birthday related stuff strewn about. It was not especially wonderful to get back from the beach with a messy house awaiting us. I knew as we walked out the door that I would regret coming back to a messy house. Funny the things that I tell myself to do but never get around to doing. And now there is beach clutter to add to the pile of birthday debris.

I just don't know why it takes me so long to recover from events. Those people who stay up late after a party to wash dishes (like my husband) are saints. I exert so much last minute energy when I am hosting something that I just can't get back into the clean-up side until much later.
My mother always says her house is wreck, even though it always perfectly tidy and clean. My whole childhood the house was neat and clean. Why has that clean gene skipped me? Maybe my kids will be really tidy adults. Today I have one goal. It is to finish cleaning the laundry. Tomorrow we'll worry about folding it.......

The Blow Off?

I ran into a friend from high school two years ago this month. I was pregnant with my third and he was with a woman that he married last summer. It was nice to see him. We exchanged e-mail addresses but I was about to have a baby and more or less forgot about him again.

Fast forward to last summer when I heard that he was getting married. I found that slip of paper with his e-mail address and sent him a congratulatory note. He responded with much enthusiasm and we started communicating on and off. In February he e-mailed again and we decided to get together for dinner with our spouses and another couple that are our mutual friends (I sort of thought we might need a "buffer" couple). We had a nice dinner out and ALL said that we should do it again. I actually left that evening thinking that we had made some "new" friends. We had a great time and laughed the whole night.

After the February dinner, high school guy and I didn't communicate for a couple months. In April I sent out an e-mail inviting the two couples to come to our house for dinner (something we had discussed doing before the evening ended at the first dinner together). The buffer couple eagerly and quickly replied that they would love to come. I have yet to receive any response from the high school guy and his wife. I sent another e-mail about 3 weeks later to jog his memory in case he just got distracted or forgot about the original e-mail. Still no response here more than a week later.

Because I am over-analyzing this I will throw out for your consideration that I think this guy might have had a crush on me in high school -- but we never dated and we definitely never had that weird "I like you" discussion. One more thing, I ran into HS guy and his wife at the movie theater after our initial e-mails but before our first dinner out. I was standing by myself because my husband was in the restroom. HS guy and wife were with another couple that I did not know. Upon my introduction to the "other" couple, the female blurted out "you know they are married right?" referring to HS guy and wife. I was somewhat taken aback by it but told Nosy Newsy lady that yes I did know they were married. Then I mentioned that MY husband was in the bathroom. I suddenly felt like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

So is there some issue here where the wife and her friends think I am after HS guy, are my husband and I just being blown off as a couple, or is it possible that his lack of response has nothing to do with me (and in that case is he just rude?). I really like them and am baffled by how this guy could go from very enthusiastic about our renewed friendship to nothing at all. Weird.

Laundry

I remember when Sundays were for getting over Saturday night's adventures. Now it's for laundry. I have several annex dressers (laundry baskets) in the hallway upstairs with the laundry not yet folded from last week -- or maybe the week before too. I can hardly believe how much laundry three little boys generate (plus one big man). I bought some bleach the other day. My mother never used bleach. I guess I am exploring a new world. Woo hoo. This is the week when everything will get folded and put away. Well, we'll see.

Soccer Stress

Today my son had a soccer game. I used to think that those "sideline" parents that flip out and argue with refs and coaches were just morons. I can't really see myself ever getting overly upset with a coach or an official, but I can definitely see how I could get a little carried away in the cheering/instructing stuff. My son was in la-la land today during the game. Every now and again he would perk up and get into the game but he did a lot of watching and walking. Unlike most kids, he actually seems to prefer the practices to the games. All the drills and the games that they do for the younger soccer kids at practice seem more interesting to him than the actual matches (maybe I was like that too because I just wanted to chat with my friends). During the game I found myself yelling "HUSTLE" and "RUN" and all sorts of stuff to try to get him moving. We signed him up for soccer to help him get the whole teamwork concept and for the social interaction. But it is hard to see your child not giving their best. I guess that is one of the hard parts of parenting -- how do you get your child to want to do his or her best? But truthfully, I guess I should count my blessings that he loves to go to the games and practices. Rainy days and cancelled games cause major disappointment here. Maybe I'll take him out and run around with the ball (like I can really improve things).

Sometimes.....

I just need a place to write down the things that make me laugh or cry, frighten me or delight me, or are just the plain-Jane ordinary things that make me glad to be a mother, a wife, a woman.

I have three boys who are six, three (almost four), and 19 months. Life is hectic at best. They are distinct little creatures and have their own gifts and challenges. I adore them and when anything goes wrong -- like the dreaded request for a parent-teacher conference -- I can get ridiculously consumed and anxious. I also feel heart swelling pride at their littlest accomplishments. I am sure I will be the annoyingly weepy mother at school plays and graduations.

I also work from home for a congressional campaign. That means every other year, during election years, I work many late nights while my boys and husband sleep. On the off years, I can actually get most of my work done while kids are napping or at school. Sometimes my job is a chore and a stress, but mostly it reminds me of who I was before children and that makes me feel like a real person.

So far, I am pretty much a failure with housekeeping. I get very motivated when guests are coming, and I think that I am a good hostess and cook. But my husband knows that our house is normally a jumble of toys, socks, somewhat dirty bathrooms, and all the things that my little weapons of mass destruction (as my husband calls them) leave on the floor, spill, break, or otherwise lose. I am trying to get better at the tidiness thing but it is a long time coming. Frankly, I am sort of tidy myself. I just live in a house full of un-tidy people, and I don't have the neat-freak instinct to whip them into line.

I am a little too interested in reality TV (not something I admit to at the bus stop in the morning with the other mothers in the neighborhood), video and computer games, and cookbooks. I have a million hobbies (but have mastered none) and really enjoy learning new things. Right now, I am considering getting a master's degree so that I can teach government or civics to high schoolers. It is just an idea rolling around in my head.

Thanks for your interest in my writings, rantings to come, and nonsense. Enjoy the ride.